I heard a pastor on Saturday saying that there is nothing sadder than seeing someone who is middle-aged who still can't figure out what they want to be when they grow up. I kind of wanted to smack him. (And he is probably one of my favorite pastors in the whole world.) It was like he was insinuating that there isn't any excuse for not knowing what you want to be or do.
I have been wrestling with that question for years and years and years. It isn't like I haven't been seeking God to figure out what I'm supposed to do. I have begged God many times to show me what I was supposed to become, but have never been given a clear-cut direction. At times I thought my destiny was ministry - maybe even world missions - but every attempt to follow that path has brought me up short. At (almost) 35 years old, the runway isn't as long as it used to be, and I'd really love to be doing the thing that I was created to do.
I guess it all comes down to a question of significance. When I leave this world I want to be able to say that I have made an impact. It is hard to see any impact or any prospect of one when it seems like I am constantly starting over from zero every 5 years or so. Yeah, you build up a good bit of wisdom through all of the experiences, but how do you make an impact?
I look at Ronald Reagan and think of how he transformed this world and wonder if I will ever be able to make that kind of a difference. Then again, whose measuring stick am I using? Does my definition of significance match God's? All I can hope for is that somehow He is going to get me from point A to point B and somehow get me to accomplish everything that He has planned for me to do in the process. God help me!
Monday, June 21, 2004
The Search for Significance
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8 comments:
That's because you're a Pooty-head that can't get his comments page to post correctly.
Baw Hahahahaha! That was your first post.
Hee hee hee hee hee....
I'm going to be a P-sychiatrist when I grow up.
I have issues...and free flowing thoughts in the comments page is not a good thing to do...right?
WB, with friends like you I'm considering making a few enemies for the sake of edification! Thanks for testing the updates for me.
No problem, it works...but it won't take your name and email unless you sign up. Guess you'll have to ask for people to post their names in the actual comments page.
Oh well...
About the music: Sounds like bluegrass and hymns both tap into happy places and times in early life. Of course they can bring up the same feelings. Smells can do that too, very powerfully.
About significance: I know God wants you to find your way more than you do. To me you are really on the road. During the last two years I've seen you go from near despair/exhaustion to hopefulness/tiredness. You are getting financial things in order, much better than last year, and certainly than three years ago!
You are getting started on health improvement. (Have you watched the tape 100 times yet? How about 2?) You have to have stability in these areas BEFORE God can put much on you. You are also recovering from religious ministry burnout. As you continue to do the small things well, and you will, the path will get brighter.
One idea that might help: whatever fruit I have, and it will be alot, will bring you credit in heaven's books. Your oversight and friendship have made all the difference for me. May be I will be the great preacher before this is all done! Hee Hee...you never know....
Thanks, Fiona. Visit any time!
Cool, Kay! It's just like Amway! Only better!
Hi Jonathan!!!!! This is John Toomey! I enjoyed reading your post, you are a great writer. Perhaps your destiny is to write, give advice and wisdom through books or something. God gave you this gift of writing; why not use it to advance his Kingdom... AMEN?
You have made in impact in my life in ways that you will never know, you are a father in the spirit to me, as well as a very good friend.
Thank you for always being patient with me, I know that I am not always the most pleasant person to deal with, so I salute you!
You have earned my respect and my trust... Something some of my current leadership should take notes on.
Thanks, Toomey. That means alot to me! Keep growing strong as you have been! And make sure to not get critical or bitter towards your leaders. I am sure that (most of the time, anyway) they are operating from the best of motivations. (Even if their methods aren't always the best!)
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