Monday, April 28, 2008

Don't Know My Own Strength

Lately I have been slogging through a few hurdles. That's right, through, not over. I have been faced with a number of challenges that have rubbed on a some tender spots and frankly it is getting a little old.

The past two weeks have been spent helping with the estate sales to liquidate my paternal grandparents' belongings. It has been kind of tough. You see so many things that bring back memories and realize that you can't save them all. I'd have to say that of the entire process of letting my grandparents go this has been the toughest.

This has left me easily irritated and impatient. It doesn't help that there have been abundant other minor annoyances to keep me worked up. On top of that, many people that I know are very distressed.

I have one friend who is bipolar and is in the midst of a manic episode. I have another acquaintance who just found out that she has brain cancer. Another good friend has been suffering terribly with scoliosis and financial problems. I have an uncle who is probably in his last days' battle with cancer. I have friends with marital problems. I have friends with job problems. Many seem on the verge of calamity.

I have also been through a very severe trial over the past 16 months - one that has no obvious deliverance in sight. I wonder if this is how Hezekiah felt when Sennacherib was camped outside of Jerusalem.

I wish I understood it all. I wish I had an easy fix for it, but unfortunately I don't. It would seem that the prescription for the moment is bitter. For some it has been so bitter for so long, they have nearly forgotten what sweet tastes like.

Though I don't understand it all, I do have a hope that somehow God is using all of this calamity for good. That is the promise that His Word makes: "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." There are very few things that I am certain about these days. But two things that I know for sure are 1) God is sovereign and 2) God is good.

I wish I could say that I was handling all of this stress with flying colors. I am not. My temper gets the best of me too often. They say that the Lord won't give you more than you can handle. I sometimes wish He didn't think quite so highly of me! I guess I don't know my own strength.

Speaking of that, I had another annoying but vaguely funny event that happened to me today as I was trying to get ready to go to jazz band practice. I had gone out to the truck to get loaded up and something had fallen off the seat. Annoyed I went to pick it up and put it back where it belonged. When I shut the door the window shattered into a billion pieces (give or take a few). I swear it was just like something out of a Ben Stiller movie. I have no idea what caused the window to break. I really didn't shut the door that hard. I guess it must be those Wheaties I have been eating! Oh well...


a friend said...

Hang in there - all things have their season and hopefully your 'winter' will revolve to a brighter spring soon. It's the valleys that make the mountain peaks so beautiful in the end...

"Be still, and know that I am God."

And my other favorite verse for times as these:

"Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me"

I use that one a lot when my temper and frustration threatens to get the best of me...

Jonathan said...

Thanks for the encouraging words. May they go from your mouth to God's ear! I would have never thought to use Psalm 51:10 that way. Thanks for the suggestion. That looks like a good weapon!

Nutty about Scoliosis said...

You are doing well my friend, keep going and you will find the strength. The reason I ended up on your blog was because I picked up that you mentioned Scoliosis. I have Scoliosis and have been living with it for 18 years now, I know and understand what your friend is going through and I am sending my love.


Jonathan said...

Thank you for the encouragement. It sounds like your scoliosis has created so many problems for you. I haven't had the chance to read your blog yet, but checked out your profile. I look forward to reading the blog too. My prayers will certainly be with you.